Lets Check In On The State Of New York Baseball

Every Mets fan in the universe right now.

Yup, things are the way they always have been except for like 3 times my entire life. The Mets got their one year of glory that they get every decade before coming up short in one of the most brutal ways possible, the glitch in the Matrix, and everything goes back to normal. The Yankees are the hottest team on the planet, the Mets are the biggest laughingstock in baseball, and Mike Francesa gets to soak it all up while hosting a radio show on WFAN. Time is a flat fucking circle that beats Mets fans over the head while beating Yankees fans off. The Yankees not only came back to beat their biggest rival, but did so off of their rival’s biggest closer to take over first place. God bless Carrabis for not snapping and murdering these two obnoxious motherfuckers because the Barstool would need a new Yankees Guy and a new Portnoy Guy.

Meanwhile the Mets not only lose a game and a series to the worst team in the National League, but they bat out of order in the first inning of a MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL GAME before losing in extras and sliding into 4th place in the NL East after an 11-1 start that seems like a lifetime ago. The Baseball Gods continue to be the most cruel, vindictive bunch of cocksuckers to grace the celestials. And as well done as those covers were, that was almost too easy. Asking a New York tabloid come up with a headline after those two scenarios played out on the same day would be like asking Picasso to paint by numbers.

Fuck cuncelling da saeson. I want to cuncel baesball from my life.