If You Didn't Grow Up Pretending To Be A Chick Online You Grew Up Wrong

For those who listen to the show, you know Norwegian Tom. He’s one of our production guys and not Norwegian. At some point this week Kevin and I started talking about all the stuff we did as horny, puberty-riddled teens and AOL lesbian chat rooms came up. You know exactly what I’m talking about even if you wouldn’t admit it on a podcast. Anyway, Tom’s a young kid and he was STUNNED. Genuinely, truly floored that we used to go into lesbian chat rooms and pretend to be chicks in order to get off.

It’s true. Everyone did it. We used to have sleepover parties where there were group-sourced conversations in order to make our lesbianism as convincing as possible, as all 12 year old boys have the keys to a lesbian’s mind. It was a wild time but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I don’t want to be a get off my lawn guy but kids these days don’t know what we had to go through. You didn’t just log on PornHub, cum, and carry on with your day. You had to WORK to be sexually stimulated. In 2017 it’s easier, and less time consuming, to pick up a chick than it was to cyber cum in 2001.

But it molded us into the men we are today. Parents used to lament technology because it took away the imagination of children and didn’t force us to be creative. Oh yeah? Anyone can pick up a twig and pretend it’s a gun, dad. It takes a real master of artistry and ingenuity to convince some other dude in the throes of puberty that you were, in fact, a horny 22 year old woman in California with big tits.

Yeah, you were always talking to dudes. Basically every 25-35 year old male’s first sexual experience was with another dude on the other side of a computer screen. Deal with it. I was like a method actor with that shit, spent a solid year of my life as a cyber woman while moonlighting as a middle schooler when the sun was up.

It was the early days of the internet and it was the wild west, and it was beautiful.

PS – The “pic for pic” convo was always the best. Never in the history of “pic for pic” have real pictures ever actually been exchanged. You ask that question and all you were getting was a teenage boy panicking, googling “blonde naked big tits,” and sending you a sceenshot of Jenna Jameson.