Emergency Press Conference - Baldgate

So some Stoolie took a video of me walking to work today and my bald spot wasn’t looking great to say the least.

Real low point for my self esteem. Naturally he sent the video to Big Cat, KFC etc who are having a ball with it. (Hey who cares that I’m out there creating content like a motherfucker and putting food on the table right?) Nope let’s make fun of Dave who is literally bleeding for the company. Stoolies going crazy.

shammm

Anyway people who have been paying close attention know that I can’t wrap my brain around my bald spot. I know I need to get hair transplants. I know I do. I went to Dr. Lenoard like 2 years ago and I got laughed out of the building. They told me I had too much hair. That I wasn’t ready for it. There were bald people in the lobby giving me the stink eye. Like what is this motherfucker doing here? Look at that surfer hair! I’d kill for that hair in the front!” After getting laughed out of the building I kind of put getting hair transplants on the backburner as bigger issues took over like me getting rid of my mercury poisoning.

The crazy thing is I still have the best front hair in the office. It’s glorious. Covering it up would be a crime against humanity. And I will go to my grave saying the back isn’t as bad as it always appears on camera, but I also can’t deny I’m rattled. I mean this video is the talk of the god damn internet. Sure I could play it off like “fans don’t boo nobodies”, but it’s got my brain in a pretzel. How can hair be so great and so bad at once? Party in the front, homeless shelter in the back. I think getting hair transplant is now back to a priority. Nobody wants to be the bald asshole. Especially not rich guys with surfer hair.

Latest Videos

25 videos

1
First "Barstool Beach House" Night Out Goes Off The Rails | VIVA TV

First "Barstool Beach House" Night Out Goes Off The Rails | VIVA TV

2
Frank Walks Episode 61: Trevor May presented by BODYARMOR

Frank Walks Episode 61: Trevor May presented by BODYARMOR

3
Barstool Pizza Review - Pizza Di Farfalla (New Lenox, IL)

Barstool Pizza Review - Pizza Di Farfalla (New Lenox, IL)

4
Raw Dogging at Hot Dog Hut in Harrison, NJ

Raw Dogging at Hot Dog Hut in Harrison, NJ

5
Talking Barstool Basketball & More From The Writer Cup | The Unnamed Show Episode 64

Talking Barstool Basketball & More From The Writer Cup | The Unnamed Show Episode 64

6
Who Is The Best Action Movie Hero? (The Bracket, Vol. 179)

Who Is The Best Action Movie Hero? (The Bracket, Vol. 179)

7
Barstool Pizza Review - La Villa Restaurant (Chicago, IL)

Barstool Pizza Review - La Villa Restaurant (Chicago, IL)

8
Tank Cooks Baked Creamy Crispy Chicken

Tank Cooks Baked Creamy Crispy Chicken

9
Barstool Pizza Review - Chicago's Pizza (Chicago, IL) presented by Rhoback

Barstool Pizza Review - Chicago's Pizza (Chicago, IL) presented by Rhoback

10
Tank's Ballpark Tour: Globe Life Park Home of the Texas Rangers

Tank's Ballpark Tour: Globe Life Park Home of the Texas Rangers

11
REVIEW: '28 Years Later' Is the Best Zombie Movie In Ages Despite An All-Time Strange Ending

REVIEW: '28 Years Later' Is the Best Zombie Movie In Ages Despite An All-Time Strange Endi...

12
Dave Puts Asterisks On Thunder Title After Achilles Injury - Barstool Rundown - June 23rd, 2025

Dave Puts Asterisks On Thunder Title After Achilles Injury - Barstool Rundown - June 23rd,...

13
Barstool Pizza Review - Dino's Italian Pizza (Chicago, IL)

Barstool Pizza Review - Dino's Italian Pizza (Chicago, IL)

14
The Dozen Brings Chaos to the Barstool Office | VIVA TV

The Dozen Brings Chaos to the Barstool Office | VIVA TV

15
Frank Walks Episode 60: Rone presented by BODYARMOR

Frank Walks Episode 60: Rone presented by BODYARMOR

16
Barstool Pizza Review - La Pizza Nostra (Miami, FL) presented by Kraken

Barstool Pizza Review - La Pizza Nostra (Miami, FL) presented by Kraken

17
Raw Dogging at McKenna's Pub in NYC

Raw Dogging at McKenna's Pub in NYC

18
Hitting On Lifeguards (Pt. 2)

Hitting On Lifeguards (Pt. 2)

19
The Show Revolts Over The Dozen Schedule | The Unnamed Show Episode 63

The Show Revolts Over The Dozen Schedule | The Unnamed Show Episode 63

20
Barstool Pizza Review - Mamale Cafe (Bay Harbor Islands, FL)

Barstool Pizza Review - Mamale Cafe (Bay Harbor Islands, FL)

21
Tank Cooks Grilled Tomahawk Pork Chops

Tank Cooks Grilled Tomahawk Pork Chops

22
Rold Gold Responds To Dot's With New Doritos Cool Ranch Collab

Rold Gold Responds To Dot's With New Doritos Cool Ranch Collab

23
Barstool Pizza Review - Anthony's Coal Fired Pizza (Miami, FL) presented by Rhoback

Barstool Pizza Review - Anthony's Coal Fired Pizza (Miami, FL) presented by Rhoback

24
Francis Teaches An Idiot The Vietnam War

Francis Teaches An Idiot The Vietnam War

25
Barstool Pizza Review - Marc's Artisanal Pizzeria (Miami Beach, FL)

Barstool Pizza Review - Marc's Artisanal Pizzeria (Miami Beach, FL)