Emergency Press Conference - Baldgate

So some Stoolie took a video of me walking to work today and my bald spot wasn’t looking great to say the least.

Real low point for my self esteem. Naturally he sent the video to Big Cat, KFC etc who are having a ball with it. (Hey who cares that I’m out there creating content like a motherfucker and putting food on the table right?) Nope let’s make fun of Dave who is literally bleeding for the company. Stoolies going crazy.

shammm

Anyway people who have been paying close attention know that I can’t wrap my brain around my bald spot. I know I need to get hair transplants. I know I do. I went to Dr. Lenoard like 2 years ago and I got laughed out of the building. They told me I had too much hair. That I wasn’t ready for it. There were bald people in the lobby giving me the stink eye. Like what is this motherfucker doing here? Look at that surfer hair! I’d kill for that hair in the front!” After getting laughed out of the building I kind of put getting hair transplants on the backburner as bigger issues took over like me getting rid of my mercury poisoning.

The crazy thing is I still have the best front hair in the office. It’s glorious. Covering it up would be a crime against humanity. And I will go to my grave saying the back isn’t as bad as it always appears on camera, but I also can’t deny I’m rattled. I mean this video is the talk of the god damn internet. Sure I could play it off like “fans don’t boo nobodies”, but it’s got my brain in a pretzel. How can hair be so great and so bad at once? Party in the front, homeless shelter in the back. I think getting hair transplant is now back to a priority. Nobody wants to be the bald asshole. Especially not rich guys with surfer hair.

Latest Videos

25 videos

1
Barstool Pizza Review - Old Orchard Lanes & Links (Savoy, IL)

Barstool Pizza Review - Old Orchard Lanes & Links (Savoy, IL)

2
Big Cat vs Fred Smoot Rivalry Week | Pro Football Football Show Week 6

Big Cat vs Fred Smoot Rivalry Week | Pro Football Football Show Week 6

3
Tank Cooks Grilled London Broil

Tank Cooks Grilled London Broil

4
Eagles at Giants Preview, Yankees Eliminated & CFB Week 7 Tease | Wake Up Barstool Full Episode

Eagles at Giants Preview, Yankees Eliminated & CFB Week 7 Tease | Wake Up Barstool Full Ep...

5
Barstool Pizza Review - Monical's Pizza (Champaign, IL) presented by BODYARMOR

Barstool Pizza Review - Monical's Pizza (Champaign, IL) presented by BODYARMOR

6
Raw Dogging at Mel's Butcher Box in Tenafly, NJ

Raw Dogging at Mel's Butcher Box in Tenafly, NJ

7
Aaron Judge’s MVP Swing, CFB Week 7 & Joe Flacco to Bengals | Wake Up Barstool Full Episode

Aaron Judge’s MVP Swing, CFB Week 7 & Joe Flacco to Bengals | Wake Up Barstool Full Episod...

8
Barstool Pizza Review - Slackwater Pizza (Salt Lake City, UT)

Barstool Pizza Review - Slackwater Pizza (Salt Lake City, UT)

9
"Can I Blow You?"

"Can I Blow You?"

10
Jaguars MNF Recap, Jayson Werth on Dodgers & NHL Preview | Wake Up Barstool Full Episode

Jaguars MNF Recap, Jayson Werth on Dodgers & NHL Preview | Wake Up Barstool Full Episode

11
Barstool Pizza Review - The Great Plains Sauce & Dough Co. (Ames, IA)

Barstool Pizza Review - The Great Plains Sauce & Dough Co. (Ames, IA)

12
Portnoy and Olsen Talk Patriots Win, Drake Maye & MLB Weekend Recap | Wake Up Barstool Full Episode

Portnoy and Olsen Talk Patriots Win, Drake Maye & MLB Weekend Recap | Wake Up Barstool Ful...

13
Weather Girl STUNS The Barstool Sports Advisors With Shocking Admission - Week 5

Weather Girl STUNS The Barstool Sports Advisors With Shocking Admission - Week 5

14
Viral Couple's Relationship Ends Over Sports Bet | VIVA TV

Viral Couple's Relationship Ends Over Sports Bet | VIVA TV

15
UConn’s Dan Hurley on Coaching Students & Doug Pederson’s NFL Takes | Wake Up Barstool Full Episode

UConn’s Dan Hurley on Coaching Students & Doug Pederson’s NFL Takes | Wake Up Barstool Ful...

16
UPSET ALERT OF THE WEEK | Pro Football Football Show Week 5

UPSET ALERT OF THE WEEK | Pro Football Football Show Week 5

17
Barstool Pizza Review - Pepp's Pizzeria (Urbandale, IA) presented by BODYARMOR

Barstool Pizza Review - Pepp's Pizzeria (Urbandale, IA) presented by BODYARMOR

18
Tank Cooks Grilled Bison Steaks

Tank Cooks Grilled Bison Steaks

19
Nicky Smokes Thinks We Live Under A Dome

Nicky Smokes Thinks We Live Under A Dome

20
Dodgers Advance, TNF Preview & Coach Eli Drinkwitz on CFB | Wake Up Barstool Full Episode

Dodgers Advance, TNF Preview & Coach Eli Drinkwitz on CFB | Wake Up Barstool Full Episode

21
Barstool College Football Show "Rivalry Week" Leads To Tension On The Desk | Barstool College Football Show Week 6

Barstool College Football Show "Rivalry Week" Leads To Tension On The Desk | Barstool Coll...

22
What Is The Best Walk Up Song? (The Bracket, Vol. 191)

What Is The Best Walk Up Song? (The Bracket, Vol. 191)

23
RICO GOES OFF THE MEDS & ANNOUNCES HIS NEXT CHAPTER | Pick Em Week 6

RICO GOES OFF THE MEDS & ANNOUNCES HIS NEXT CHAPTER | Pick Em Week 6

24
Barstool Pizza Review - Taste of New York Pizza (West Des Moines, IA)

Barstool Pizza Review - Taste of New York Pizza (West Des Moines, IA)

25
Raw Dogging at Teddy's Red Hots in Darien, IL

Raw Dogging at Teddy's Red Hots in Darien, IL