Fourth of July Collection | All-New Hats, T-Shirts, and More Now AvailableSHOP NOW

Emergency Press Conference - Baldgate

So some Stoolie took a video of me walking to work today and my bald spot wasn’t looking great to say the least.

Real low point for my self esteem. Naturally he sent the video to Big Cat, KFC etc who are having a ball with it. (Hey who cares that I’m out there creating content like a motherfucker and putting food on the table right?) Nope let’s make fun of Dave who is literally bleeding for the company. Stoolies going crazy.

shammm

Anyway people who have been paying close attention know that I can’t wrap my brain around my bald spot. I know I need to get hair transplants. I know I do. I went to Dr. Lenoard like 2 years ago and I got laughed out of the building. They told me I had too much hair. That I wasn’t ready for it. There were bald people in the lobby giving me the stink eye. Like what is this motherfucker doing here? Look at that surfer hair! I’d kill for that hair in the front!” After getting laughed out of the building I kind of put getting hair transplants on the backburner as bigger issues took over like me getting rid of my mercury poisoning.

The crazy thing is I still have the best front hair in the office. It’s glorious. Covering it up would be a crime against humanity. And I will go to my grave saying the back isn’t as bad as it always appears on camera, but I also can’t deny I’m rattled. I mean this video is the talk of the god damn internet. Sure I could play it off like “fans don’t boo nobodies”, but it’s got my brain in a pretzel. How can hair be so great and so bad at once? Party in the front, homeless shelter in the back. I think getting hair transplant is now back to a priority. Nobody wants to be the bald asshole. Especially not rich guys with surfer hair.

Latest Videos

25 videos

1
Unlikely Heroes Make Big Cat's Dream Come True | VIVA TV

Unlikely Heroes Make Big Cat's Dream Come True | VIVA TV

2
Frank Walks Episode 58: Eddie Hearn presented by BODYARMOR

Frank Walks Episode 58: Eddie Hearn presented by BODYARMOR

3
9-Mostly Trivia vs. 10-Chicago | Play-In Round, Match 2 - The Dozen Trivia Tournament 5

9-Mostly Trivia vs. 10-Chicago | Play-In Round, Match 2 - The Dozen Trivia Tournament 5

4
Barstool Pizza Review - Acre Pizza (Sebastopol, CA)

Barstool Pizza Review - Acre Pizza (Sebastopol, CA)

5
Raw Dogging at Detroit Coney Grill in Scottsdale

Raw Dogging at Detroit Coney Grill in Scottsdale

6
Barstool Pizza Review - Lambretta Pizzeria (Toronto, ON)

Barstool Pizza Review - Lambretta Pizzeria (Toronto, ON)

7
Tank Cooks Lemon Chicken Potato Casserole

Tank Cooks Lemon Chicken Potato Casserole

8
Drinking While Pregnant Prank Pt. 2

Drinking While Pregnant Prank Pt. 2

9
7-Uptown Balls vs. 8-Ryders | Play-In Round, Match 1 - The Dozen Trivia Tournament 5

7-Uptown Balls vs. 8-Ryders | Play-In Round, Match 1 - The Dozen Trivia Tournament 5

10
Barstool Pizza Review - Mac’s Pizza (Toronto, ON)

Barstool Pizza Review - Mac’s Pizza (Toronto, ON)

11
Dave Reacts to The Knicks ECF Loss - Barstool Rundown - June 2nd, 2025

Dave Reacts to The Knicks ECF Loss - Barstool Rundown - June 2nd, 2025

12
Barstool Pizza Review - Terrazza (Toronto, ON)

Barstool Pizza Review - Terrazza (Toronto, ON)

13
The Experts vs. Booze Ponies - Reg. Season Title & Bracket Reveal | Match 52, Season 5 - The Dozen Trivia League

The Experts vs. Booze Ponies - Reg. Season Title & Bracket Reveal | Match 52, Season 5 - T...

14
Grinders vs. Chicago - 10-seed Playoff | Match 51, Season 5 - The Dozen Trivia League

Grinders vs. Chicago - 10-seed Playoff | Match 51, Season 5 - The Dozen Trivia League

15
THE ALL-AMERICAN REJECTS HOSTED A CONCERT AT OUR OFFICE | VIVA TV

THE ALL-AMERICAN REJECTS HOSTED A CONCERT AT OUR OFFICE | VIVA TV

16
Frank Walks Episode 57: Jim McMahon presented by BODYARMOR

Frank Walks Episode 57: Jim McMahon presented by BODYARMOR

17
You Can Now Indulge In AMC Movie Popcorn At Home!

You Can Now Indulge In AMC Movie Popcorn At Home!

18
Dave Portnoy & Ziti vs. Frankettes | Match 50, Season 5 - The Dozen Trivia League

Dave Portnoy & Ziti vs. Frankettes | Match 50, Season 5 - The Dozen Trivia League

19
Barstool Pizza Review - Pizzeria Rustico (Boston, MA) Bonus Re-Review

Barstool Pizza Review - Pizzeria Rustico (Boston, MA) Bonus Re-Review

20
Raw Dogging at  Riveters in Tampa

Raw Dogging at Riveters in Tampa

21
What Is Tommy Smokes Most Irrational Fear? (The Bracket, Vol. 176)

What Is Tommy Smokes Most Irrational Fear? (The Bracket, Vol. 176)

22
Barstool Pizza Review - Braintree Brewhouse (Braintree, MA)

Barstool Pizza Review - Braintree Brewhouse (Braintree, MA)

23
Tank Cooks Steak Pizzaiola

Tank Cooks Steak Pizzaiola

24
Does Men’s Hairline Matter?

Does Men’s Hairline Matter?

25
Mostly Trivia vs. Chicago | Match 49, Season 5 - The Dozen Trivia League

Mostly Trivia vs. Chicago | Match 49, Season 5 - The Dozen Trivia League