I Just For Men'd My Mustache And Now I'm Basically Tom Selleck

I was blessed with alot of things. Great padlevel, nice quads, a brain that would make Einstein kill himself out of the realzation that he and I were basically different species, and relativity is just a thing the Germans made up to explain why things are so much different from there bizarre customs the farther away you get from Berlin. But great facial hair is not one of my greatest assets. I can admit that.

I’m facebald. Its a issue that affects millions of Americans and also people from weird countries. I thought that it was simply a case of bad luck and that there was nothing I could do about it.

Until now.

While we were interviewing Smylie Kaufman and Rickie Fowler on Wednesday’s Pardon My Take, we busted Rickie’s balls for his tiny mustache. Ricky opened up his Kimono and shared his beauty secret- Just For Men’s mustache and beard dye. Finally- Just for men FOR MEN.

So I decided to give it a shot this morning:

BEFORE:

DURING:

AFTER:

Look good feel good feel good play good. Feels great to be on team mustache. Plus Big Cat is jealous as hell that all the office babes are gona be hanging with me when they want to be around a real man: