Chicago Is Sinking...Not Financially. Not A Metaphor. It's Sinking Into The Ground

I looked for an hour to find the video of the jogger who got absolutely BUNDLED by a wave but struck out. If you find it hit me up

(source)–The sightlines at Wrigley Field, the panorama from Navy Pier, the vantage points at the Adler Planetarium observatory — all structures built more than 100 years ago — are at least 4 inches lower now.

In the northern United States and Canada, areas that once were depressed under the tremendous weight of a massive ice sheet are springing back up while others are sinking. The Chicago area and parts of southern Lake Michigan, where glaciers disappeared 10,000 years ago, are sinking about 4 to 8 inches each century–Chicago Tribune

Whenever the words “Chicago” and “sinking” appear in a headline it’s usual to warn us that the crippling debt is going to turn us into Detroit. Instead it sounds like we are on our way to becoming Venice. And Venice is fucking sweet. Have I been there? No. Do I know two things about it? No. I know one thing about it and it’s that it has those gondola boats on the canals and everyone says it’s romantic as fuck.

Picture this…the year is 2117. It’s the summer, because winter no longer exists in Chicago. The Lake levels have risen to the point that all of the sewer and drainage pipes are broken because they were flowing at an incrimentally downward angle when built over 200 years ago. The river smells like absolute shit, but you don’t care because hey, the river has always smelled like shit. You have a girlfriend who is an absolute smokeshow because all of the fat people died off in a heat wave 5o years prior and Chicago has become a hybrid of Scottsdale and Miami. You decide you want to have a nice romantic date. You get on a gondola boat on the corner of North Ave and Clarke and set sail towards the loop for a nice night on the town. Worried about getting lost on Lower Wacker? Don’t. That’s been underwater for 60 years. Problem solved.

There’s an old cliche that says Chicago would have 30 million people living here if it wasn’t for the weather. Well now we get to test that theory and quite frankly…I am here for it. No more wind burn on the way to work, no more freezing your dick off while you wait for your dog to take a shit for 30 minutes. Just water front property as far as the eye can see. Sounds like a futuristic paradise