Barstool HQ Is Under Attack By Rats!

Now you’re in Newwwwwww Yoooooooork. Concrete jungle where dreams are made of, rats the size of direwolves!!! I had been hearing whispers of rats roaming around HQ for weeks but I figured they were just a myth like those giant ice spiders old Nan used to talk about that those cowards Benioff and Weiss never brought to our TV screen.

Nope! It turns out those rats are very real, very unafraid of humans, and seem to have a very strong dislike for people in suits (Which is a huge W for us content commoners on the 2nd floor). That four-legged breathing piece of filth had our security guard juking like Saquon in the backfield after teams stacked 11 in the box against him as the sound of women screaming engulfed the lobby.

I would criticize our security guard for not killing that disease-ridden vermin, but either you are born with the Kill Rat gene in your body or you don’t and this guy DEFINITELY doesn’t (I’m pretty sure Ebony does though). Hopefully the rat didn’t disturb the shanty town of homeless that is growing at an alarming pace right outside HQ’s front door. Barstool may have a shiny new office, enough technology to fire off a rocket, and a bunch of the Big Swinging Dick’s money being pumped into us. But I take great offense to say that the soul of Barstool has changed as we are fighting off rats on our way into the office. As someone that remembers the Milton days and sees the 1000 yards stare by anyone who lived through them, I know that #MiltonTough is a very real thing. But I’d take living with 100 squirrels in the wall over 1 rat in public.

I guess you don’t land on the moon without toughing it out through a bunch of shit. I am just happy all of my coworkers that used to roll their eyes at the blogs KFC and I used to write about this shit hole get to experience it firsthand. However I am not very happy that I am in HQ the day the rats rise up and I am sitting at my “desk”, which is literally just a chair in the kitchen where rats have been spotted before and will likely be spotted again because they like to eat food and attack humans, which are two things that there are plenty of in the kitchen at all times because this is Barstool and all.