This Crazy Yelp Review From The New Chicago Mayor Belongs In The Hall Of Fame

Earlier this week I wrote a blog about the new Mayor in Chicago and how she’s pissing off the CPD for being a moron. Specifically, she called out the CPD for taking collectively bargained for vacation because Summer Violence. Naturally, several people were like Hey Lori Shut The Fuck Up. Then she was like You’re In Trouble For Disagreeing With Me or something like that. Then, she turned around AND WENT ON HER OWN VACATION. You can read all about it here:

Turns out lots of people are pissed off with Lori Lightfoot right now and apparently it’s nothing new. My investigation:

SOURCE – I would never use VIP Limo again. Driver Carlos showed up early for our pick up. A good sign, right? Turned out not be so. Carlos shows up and wants to use our bathroom. A little strange, but fine. Turns out, he pisses in our toilet and does not have the courtesy to put down the toilet seats. Beginning of the end. We were going to the United Center. Carlos clearly has no idea who to get there. He is totally reliant on a whacked GPS system that has him driving his huge Cadillac Escalade stretch down extremely narrow neighborhood streets going in a route that made no sense. I had to take over and give him clear directions to get to the expressway. Apparently that was totally emasculating to him, but how says, “my GPS says I should get off at Division” off the expressway when we are going much further south and west. We finally get there, and he says he needs two numbers for the return pick up. We had already given him one from my female spouse. I say I will just give him mine since I am the person paying. Carlos says “I need one from the gentlemen.” I am totally confused, and question this. Carlos explains to this dumb female that he needs a number from a guy because “girls take too many pictures and run down the battery on their phone.” My expression must have said something because he then said “trust me. I have been doing this 20 years.” I am a middle aged women not some dumb kid from his misogynistic world view. I of course gave it to him and his response was to rudely close the window divider while I was still talking. This guy was a complete a-hole. Stupid, terrible driver and a complete jerk on top of it. Cannot believe he is employed and I would never use this service again while he is.

Going through 2 year old yelp reviews is never fun but at this point I just want to know more about Lori Lightfoot.I’m fascinated you could be as stupid as she was earlier by going on vacation. Like absolute FASCINATED this is the leader we elected to buck the machine. This is the person everyone said will stand up to the darkness (her name’s LIGHTfoot so don’t be too dramatic). We were under the impression she was coming in to be a grinder. Hustler. Champion.  Instead she’s sipping Mai Thais on a coastal beach reading a romance novel that typically sells out at Northwest Indiana truck stops. So maybe there’s some detail here we can get to help us understand our fearless leader.

My takeaways: 

1. Don’t pee on her toilet seats

2. Know where you’re going

3. If you have a Cadillac Escalade stretch, don’t make it “Huge” on the side streets too, asshole

4. Get a smaller car that can fit more people

5. You’d get off at division to take Ashland down to Madison and then right on Madison to get dropped off at the United Center if you’re coming from the north. That’s the easiest way to get to the UC otherwise Lori would’ve had to go more east into the Circle Jane Byrne Exchange traffic and then you’d literally NEVER get to the United Center. So that’s a dumb fucking comment from someone who doesn’t know Chicago traffic, easily the biggest pain in my ass ever.

6. Not a good look she can’t get to the fucking United Center with or without a GPS btw.

There’s some heavier shit in there about misogyny that I’d rather not address because THE LIMO COMPANY DOES IT FOR ME:

1. Our driver did not use your bathroom. We checked the vehicle cameras and he did not enter your home. You had lots of guests over and and of them could have done what you claim our wonderful driver Carlos did.

2. Our drivers have GPS systems that work with current events and traffic. Chicago often has festivals and we have to work our way around them. It is not your place to tell him how to do his job.

3. Our drivers ask for a gentleman’s phone number actually because they don’t ever want to seem inappropriate asking for a lady’s phone number. And you should appreciate that Carlos took the time to ask for a back up phone number in case you lose signal or battery. Again, our drivers know what they are doing and have experience.

It seems to me the only person here who is sexist, my dear, is you. I don’t know where you come to your conclusion that you were emasculating him. Maybe you hoped you were! Your language is horrendous and lewd. Just your rant here make me feel embarrassed for you! Also wow… That’s pretty insulting that you refer to women who like to take a lot of pics at their events as “dumb female”.

Your driver arrived early. He got you on time and safely to your event. Your credit card you provided on the contract was declining. We even let you use a different credit card for payment, which is against our rules. And you received an upgraded vehicle twice the price of what you paid without any up charge as a free upgrade from out company. Wish I could review customers like you! Find something better to do with your time. And you should appreciate great service when you receive it!!!

Let’s fucking go boys. What a response from a proud, small business owner. AKA the exact person Lori Lightfoot should be working for right now but instead she’s on a beach somewhere negatively reviewing someone else’s customer service while the rest of us Chicagoans are hard at work on a Friday.

I guess it’s true.

I guess the Rich really DO get Richer.