Chicago Is Being Taken Over By Smokeouts, "Sideshows", and Fast & Furious Wannabe's Doing Donuts. And If You're Into This Shit, You're A Fucking Loser

CWB Chicago - After donut-spinning drivers shut down intersections in the Loop and Near South Side for “sideshows” early Saturday, the Chicago Police Department gave the participants a stern talking-to on Twitter.

“Illegal drag racing & drifting is dangerous to drivers & spectators,” the department warned. “Now it can also be very expensive. Chicago recently passed an ordinance that carries a new amendment, meaning that if you get away, it doesn’t mean you got away & your vehicle could be impounded at a later date.”

So, of course, the sideshows tripled in size and became even more destructive on Sunday.

Sideshows closed intersections from the West Loop to near Chinatown to near Midway Airport and beyond. Participants jumped on squad cars, threw rocks and other objects at cops, and, not surprisingly, many obstructed their license plates, making the city’s threat of delayed enforcement moot.

A CPD spokesperson said six squad cars were damaged, and an 18-year-old was cited for obstruction of a rear license plate. His vehicle was also impounded. Police are also investigating possible connections between the sideshows and a fatal crash on the 6400 block of South Cicero.

Police also found cars blocking Madison and Morgan a little while later. That’s where cops impounded an 18-year-old’s car and cited him for license plate obstruction, according to CPD. The plate “unveiling” was also captured on video:

At around 3 a.m., CPD responded to calls of an officer in distress in the 600 block of West Cermak after a group of sideshow participants threw rocks, fireworks, and bricks at patrol cars, the police spokesperson said. Six squads were damaged, but police did not announce any arrests.

Earlier in the morning, around 1:37 a.m., a 40-year-old woman was killed with she was struck by a car when three vehicles collided near her in the 6400 block of South Cicero, police said.

Ald. Ray Lopez (15th) said, “a half dozen locations throughout Chicago were overtaken by this vehicular madness” during Sunday morning’s antics. Lopez, who is running for mayor, says he has a plan to stop sideshows. He would call in reinforcements from county, state, and federal agencies.

“And most importantly, a real Mayor of Chicago would go on TV & call these criminals out, share their pictures and license plates, and call on communities to come forward & identify their children,” Lopez tweeted last month.

I was out with White Sox Dave and Chief a couple weekends ago on a patio after the sun went down, enjoying a couple nice ice-cold Miller Lites, and some picture-perfect weather. The type that always elicits the same reaction from Chicagoans when we actually have it: "can you imagine if the weather was like this year-round? This would be the most populated city in the country."

And it's true. (Probably.) 

Native Chicagoans also like to tell carpetbaggers like me, and tourists who complain about the BRUTAL winters that they are required as part of the "screening process" to make sure the weak don't move to or stay in Chicago. 

That said, there's never been a stretch of summers like the last few where the majority of the city's inhabitants can't wait for the warm weather to disappear. To call Chicago the Wild Wild West right now would be an insult to Butch Cassidy. 

All summer long these "sideshows" have been going on and only growing larger and larger. This weekend they peaked with hundreds turning out down by the sideroads of McCormick Place in the South Loop. This visual is insane.

Imagine spending your Saturday night like this? 

Pretending you're Dominic Toretto and Roman Pearce destroying your drivetrain and transmission in the middle of downtown, in front of a sea of losers who think it's cool breathing in burnt rubber fumes, and watching tricked-out cars spin out in circles? 

These gotta be the same people you see on the highway with $20,000 in aftermarket shit (spoilers, rims, exhaust kits, drop kits, etc) thrown into a $10,000 used Honda right? 

I know just the way to get these nuisances off the streets, clogging up public roadways, and endangering innocent drivers and pedestrians. 

Bring back X to the Z and "Pimp My Ride."

Get people back on dumping every dime of their paycheck into the interior and body of their cars and not the tires or under the hood.

Instead of throwing all the money they saved up to buy a NoS turbo kit, throw a birdhouse into the rear of that sweet Eclipse. 

Make driving outrageous eyesores cool again. Plus, everybody can agree they were much better times when Xzbitit was on our television 10 hours a day. If he's somehow available, MTV should throw him a bag and bring it back. 

p.s. - still bang to this day