Asshole Boaters Fuck Around By Docking Illegally, Attacking Dock Worker Then Immediately Find Out

Internet fight videos became a dime a dozen awhile ago but every once in awhile, we get one that is so epic in scale and chaos that it transcends the form (a heaping dose of karma doesn't hurt either). Airports have been all the rage when it comes to rage lately but the latest viral brawl took place alongside and in the Alabama River down in Montgomery, Alabama. And like most of these events, it was wholly preventable but for the actions of a pack of selfish shitheads who were intent on violating rules both on the water and the dock they illegally tied their boat to.

I've been fortunate over the years to have boat-owning friends and relatives so I've been out on more Boston Harbor trips (pleasure and fishing) than I can count over the last four to five decades. I've boarded and disembarked several vessels at many varied spots in the Inner Harbor. Occasionally, I've utilized MBTA water ferry docks as pick-up/drop-off spots over the years (akin to picking up somebody at a bus stop). I'll give my boy Stu the location, he bellies up to the dock during a half-hour that it's empty, I jump onboard, and then we're off for World's End all within about five seconds. No harm, no foul. Not in anybody's hair.

But Stu (or any other captain worth his salt) would never in a million years even consider tying up his Grady White to one of these docks then disembarking for dry-land adventures just because he felt entitled to do so. Which takes us to Alabama. One of the biggest attractions in Montgomery's entertainment district is the Harriott II on the riverfront. It's a 19th century riverboat that offers a variety of dinner and party cruises and can also be rented for private parties. Needless to say, this significant contributor to the local economy doesn't need to put an orange cone out to save a space like some wintertime Southie peon---she's juiced in and has her own spot.

Buyenlarge. Getty Images.

So imagine the audacity, ignorance, inconsideration, and utter sense of entitlement required to think your crew is just going to roll up in a pontoon boat while carrying a foreign load, tying it up in the private berth of a major tourist attraction, and disembarking to go gallivanting, fuck everyone else. Oh and this is after the gentleman working the dock informed these peckerheads that they were not, under any circumstances, allowed to park their boat there.

Instead of being normal adults, the pontoon crew ignored him and tied their boat up. Because the assholes were taking up a private space and creating a clusterfuck, the dock worker was going to make sure that the illegally occupied spot was vacant. In the process of doing his job, he was viciously attacked by one buffoon and several others also jumped in, resulting in (at least) a 4-on-1. Just gutless behavior from the people who were 100% at fault. Why couldn't they just comply and do as they were told?

But then in a scene reminiscent of 1980s-era WWF, when wrestlers would come bombing outta the locker room to help 'rescue' a peer who was just back-stabbed, the brother in the black Nike shirt races down the gangway as a peacemaker looking to diffuse the situation and get those clowns off of a man simply doing his job. Soon thereafter, other reinforcements arrive to save the dock worker from a much worse gang beating.

The highlight of this shitshow was likely the guy who would be known as AquaMayne by day's end…

Imagine seeing your co-worker getting jacked up by multiple meatheads and the quickest way there was the Alabama River? That's where Aaren comes in. Just a hell of a response to a co-worker in distress.

Even though the pontoon peckerheads were outnumbered and completely in the wrong, they continued to double and triple-down on their idiocy and kept trying to fight instead of just waving the flag and saying, "hand up, we fucked up bad and we apologize" and hoping for a dash of mercy. So they caught even worse beatings by continuing to fight a losing fight, particularly when additional co-workers hit the dock eager to defend their co-worker who was savagely attacked for merely performing his job duties. They just didn't know when to call it a day and paid dearly for their misplaced hubris.

And while mugshots hadn't hit the internet as of this writing, here's a pic of some of those arrested…

Black Steve Austin also got cuffed and stuffed for his 'on the warpath' chair smash off this lady's dome (though the shirtless donkey with the endless motor had it coming)….

Tough look here…

Here's a longer clip with most of the shenanigans.

And another…

As well as an alternate angle…

Moral of the story: don't be a fucking asshole and you won't get the shit kicked out of you.