Chicago Alderman Says That If You Must Shoot Someone, Please Just Do It At Night

"Not everyone is willing to drop their beef. If you aren't mentally and emotionally equipped to solve disputes in a healthy manner, if you can't help but harm each other--do so in a capacity in which children, elderly, and those not involved in high-risk activities are less likely to be affected"--Ald. Atkins

Pretty reasonable request, honestly. If you've exhausted all means of reasonable resolution and just can't find a way to amicably end the dispute and you're left with no recourse besides...shooting someone in the face...please think of the children. Shoot that guy who wronged you after the kids have finished their homework and been tucked into bed. 

That's the state of things in Chicago now I guess. They're willing to settle for a no-kill-time between 9am and 9pm and then after 9pm...it's the fucking purge. Murders at night don't count now, I guess. Just an absolutely ABSURD statement from an elected official. The ultimate "I give up" declaration. 

Maybe this alderman will just announce that duels are back. Alexander Hamilton was into dueling, but we are too good for it? I don't think so. Dueling is way more dignified. Two guys who "can't settle their beef" load up single shot muskets, walk 15 paces, meet at high noon, no sorry, at 9pm, and turn and fire. Whoever is still standing has won the argument. No more drive-bys, no more ambushes. If you're shooting, you're dueling. I think that would solve everything.