Company Invents A Way To Bring People Back From The Dead

DAILY MAIL – The first attempts to bring people back from the dead are slated to start this year.

Bioquark, a Philadelphia-based company, announced in late 2016 that they believe brain death is not ‘irreversible’.
And now, CEO Ira Pastor has revealed they will soon be testing an unprecedented stem cell method on patients in an unidentified country in Latin America, confirming the details in the next few months.

To be declared officially dead in the majority of countries, you have to experience complete and irreversible loss of brain function, or ‘brain death’.

According to Pastor, Bioquark has developed a series of injections that can reboot the brain – and they plan to try it out on humans this year.

I hate zombies. I hate hearing about zombies. I hate zombie movies and zombie TV shows. Don’t watch The Walking Dead. World War Z stunk. I Am Legend was pretty sweet but whatever. Hate the zombie viral trend where everything is zombie this and zombie that.  Having said all of that this is literally how you make zombies. Like that’s not even trying to make jokes or be funny. “Undead being created through the reanimation of a human corpse.”  That’s zombies.  “A corpse revived through witchcraft.”  May not be “witchcraft” by definition but the fuck do I know about stem cell revival and neuro-regeneration?

Might as well be magical skills to me.

The first stage, named ‘First In Human Neuro-Regeneration & Neuro-Reanimation’ was slated to be a non-randomized, single group ‘proof of concept’ study.

The team said they planned to examine individuals aged 15-65 declared brain dead from a traumatic brain injury using MRI scans, in order to look for possible signs of brain death reversal.

Specifically, they planned to break it down into three stages.

First, they would harvest stem cells from the patient’s own blood, and inject this back into their body.

Next, the patient would receive a dose of peptides injected into their spinal cord.

Finally, they would undergo a 15-day course of nerve stimulation involving lasers and median nerve stimulation to try and bring about the reversal of brain death, whilst monitoring the patients using MRI scans.

What are we doing here?  We’re really gonna let this happen?  Trump, you up?   I know how much you fucking hate terrorists.  At least those guys can be killed with bullets and Hellfires.

And how about this throwaway justification line?

The idea of consent in this context is complicated, since the patients are all technically dead.

However, the definition of death is also more blurry than it once was.

Na man. I’m good with dead being the same dead it’s always been. Feel like we’ve had a pretty firm grasp on what dead is for a long time now, worked thus far.

PS,

A company named “Bioquark” running the “ReAnima Project” to bring the dead back to life, tell me that’s not straight out of a Hollywood script for like Resident Evil 13.

Shit did I just get guerilla marketed?

I fucking did didn’t I.