"Please, Mrs Swimsuit Model... I am a married man."

Sat down (virtually) with Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition model Haley Kalil, and I am pretty sure she was bagging what I was raking... The chemistry between us was palpable even though my wife of 21 years and her husband of 290 pounds made it clear that this was nothing more than an innocent (but somehow sexually charged) interview.

Here's a picture of Haley and I together in Staten Island last summer...

Haley was one of the two winners of the 2019's SI Swim Search competition alongside some far-less-attractive stranger named Camille Kostek. She then appeared in that year's Swimsuit Edition as a rookie and is back again in 2020 plying her wares to unsuspecting fishermen on some remote island not far from where Jeffrey Epstein (allegedly) entertained Bill Clinton with (allegedly) underage girls before (allegedly) killing himself in a maximum-security prison with broken cameras and sleeping guards.

I imagine this is how Prince Andrew reacted when the news of that "suicide" hit the tape...

Haley is not the only beautiful broad that I entertained this week.

On Tuesday morning, I had the pleasure of sitting down (again, virtually) with a captivatingly thicc plus-sized SI model named Hunter McGrady…

On Tuesday night, I recorded the latest edition of Twisted History alongside my smoking-hot wife…

And on Wednesday, I chatted with Playboy Playmate Crystal McCahill (Miss May 2009) about her role in the new youtube virtual dating show Playdate…

DavePortnoy is not a racist, and fucking I love my job.

Take a report.

-Large

Sports Illustrated + 7 Tags