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<!DOCTYPE html><html lang="en"><head><meta charset="utf-8"><meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width,initial-scale=1,maximum-scale=1,user-scalable=no,shrink-to-fit=no"><title>Karl Malone is no Arnold Schwarzenegger</title><link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="https://htlbid.com/v3/app.barstoolsports.com/htlbid.css"><script async src="https://htlbid.com/v3/app.barstoolsports.com/htlbid.js"></script><script>window.htlbid=window.htlbid||{},htlbid.cmd=htlbid.cmd||[],htlbid.cmd.push((function(){htlbid.setTargeting("pagetype","blog"),htlbid.setTargeting("brandId","102"),htlbid.setTargeting("authorId","63390"),htlbid.setTargeting("tags",["twisted","history","bastards","karl-malone","arnold-schwarzenegger","larry-bird","oprah","william-the-bastard"]),htlbid.setTargeting("Verity_keywords",["twisted history","bastard","jesus christ","bastards","day","father","guy","word","new orleans","people","jon snow","little bastards","way","despicable person","legitimate son"]),htlbid.setTargeting("Verity_IABv2",["641","186","640","194"]),htlbid.setTargeting("Verity_positive","0.19"),htlbid.setTargeting("Verity_neutral","0.66"),htlbid.setTargeting("Verity_negative","0.15"),htlbid.setTargeting("Verity_GGT7_conf","VERY_HIGH"),htlbid.setTargeting("Verity_GGT7_risk","HIGH"),htlbid.setTargeting("Verity_GGT6_conf","HIGH"),htlbid.setTargeting("Verity_GGT6_risk","MEDIUM"),htlbid.setTargeting("Verity_GGT2_conf","HIGH"),htlbid.setTargeting("Verity_GGT2_risk","MEDIUM"),htlbid.setTargeting("is_testing","no"),htlbid.layout()}))</script><script>var googletag = googletag || {};
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        pbjs.setConfig({ pageUrl: https://www.barstoolsports.com/video/3369377/karl-malone-is-no-arnold-schwarzenegger });</script><script src="https://d9rde3y35j061.cloudfront.net/script.js"></script><script src="https://iframely.barstoolsports.com/embed.js" async></script><style>.union__content{font-family:-apple-system,HelveticaNeue,Roboto,sans-serif;font-weight:400;font-size:18px;color:#5a5b5d;word-wrap:break-word;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0 5px 32px 5px}.union__content p{padding:0;margin:16px 0 0 0}.union__content img{display:block;width:100%!important;height:auto;margin:16px 0 0 0}.union__content video{display:block!important;width:100%!important;height:auto;margin:16px 0 0 0}.union__content .articleAd{text-align:center;margin:16px 0 0 0;background-color:#f5f5f5}.union__content .htlad__container{display:inline-block}.union__content p a{color:#377dc4}.union__content .oembed__wrapper{margin:16px 0 0 0}.union__content blockquote:not(.twitter-video){display:block;margin:16px 0 0 0;padding:4px 12px;border-left:4px solid #77889a;font-style:italic;background:#f0f4f8;text-align:left;border-radius:0 6px 6px 0}.union__content blockquote:not(.twitter-video) p{font-style:italic}.union__content blockquote,q{quotes:none}.union__content iframe{max-width:100%}.union__content .bs-image-hidden{display:none}.union__content div.hq-image{width:fit-content;margin:0 auto}.union__content span.image-attribution,.union__content span.image-attribution a{color:#757575;font-size:12px;font-style:italic;letter-spacing:.1px;line-height:14px;text-decoration:none;padding:0;margin:0}.union__content .bs-videoPlayer .bs-videoPlayer__container,.union__content video-js,.wp-video{width:100%!important;height:0!important;position:relative;padding-bottom:56.25%;overflow:hidden;margin:16px 0 0 0}.wp-video video{width:100%!important;height:100%!important}.hq-image video{width:100%!important;height:100%!important}.union__content .bs-videoPlayer__container>iframe{position:absolute;top:0;left:0;width:100%;height:100%;border:none}@media (prefers-color-scheme:dark){.union__content,body,html{background:#1c1c1c;color:#f1f1f1}.union__content blockquote:not(.twitter-video){border-left:4px solid #367dc4;background:#272c35}}</style><script>window.addEventListener("applicationDidBecomeActive",(()=>{document.querySelectorAll(".hq-image video[autoplay]").forEach((e=>e.play()))}))</script></head><body class="union__content"><p>With Father's Day rapidly approaching, this week's Twisted History is all about bastards, and I highlight 2 celebrity bastard dads in particular.</p><p>QUICKLY- Arnold made lemonade with the child he had with his longtime housekeeper behind Maria Shriver's back... </p><div class="hq-image"><img src="https://chumley.barstoolsports.com/union/2025/07/25/Img-Not-Avail.50164f2b.png?fit=bounds&format=pjpg&auto=webp&quality=85%2C75" alt srcset="https://chumley.barstoolsports.com/union/2025/07/25/Img-Not-Avail.50164f2b.png?fit=bounds&format=pjpg&auto=webp&quality=85%2C75&width=320 320w, https://chumley.barstoolsports.com/union/2025/07/25/Img-Not-Avail.50164f2b.png?fit=bounds&format=pjpg&auto=webp&quality=85%2C75&width=480 480w, https://chumley.barstoolsports.com/union/2025/07/25/Img-Not-Avail.50164f2b.png?fit=bounds&format=pjpg&auto=webp&quality=85%2C75&width=640 640w, https://chumley.barstoolsports.com/union/2025/07/25/Img-Not-Avail.50164f2b.png?fit=bounds&format=pjpg&auto=webp&quality=85%2C75&width=750 750w, https://chumley.barstoolsports.com/union/2025/07/25/Img-Not-Avail.50164f2b.png?fit=bounds&format=pjpg&auto=webp&quality=85%2C75&width=828 828w, https://chumley.barstoolsports.com/union/2025/07/25/Img-Not-Avail.50164f2b.png?fit=bounds&format=pjpg&auto=webp&quality=85%2C75&width=1080 1080w, https://chumley.barstoolsports.com/union/2025/07/25/Img-Not-Avail.50164f2b.png?fit=bounds&format=pjpg&auto=webp&quality=85%2C75&width=1200 1200w, https://chumley.barstoolsports.com/union/2025/07/25/Img-Not-Avail.50164f2b.png?fit=bounds&format=pjpg&auto=webp&quality=85%2C75&width=1920 1920w, https://chumley.barstoolsports.com/union/2025/07/25/Img-Not-Avail.50164f2b.png?fit=bounds&format=pjpg&auto=webp&quality=85%2C75&width=2048 2048w, https://chumley.barstoolsports.com/union/2025/07/25/Img-Not-Avail.50164f2b.png?fit=bounds&format=pjpg&auto=webp&quality=85%2C75&width=3840 3840w" sizes="(max-width: 1080px) 100vw, 388px" loading="eager" style="aspect-ratio:1.7244444444444444"> <span class="image-attribution">Broadimage. Shutterstock Images.</span></div><p></p><p>… while it took the Mailman decades before he recognized the product of the statutory rape he committed when he was 20 years old.</p><div class="hq-image"><video autoplay loop muted playsinline alt><source src="https://chumley.barstoolsports.com/union/giphy/2021/06/17/8955e05c.gif?format=mp4&profile=high&level=5.0" type="video/mp4"><source src="https://chumley.barstoolsports.com/union/giphy/2021/06/17/8955e05c.gif?format=jpg" type="image/jpeg"></video><span class="image-attribution">Giphy Images.</span><div id="Article-Ad-Placeholder" data-union-ad></div></div><p style="text-align:center"><em>(Fuck you.)</em></p><p>On top of that, I touch on some of history's most famous bastards, such as Alexander Hamilton, Confucius, and William I <em>(AKA William The Bastard)</em>… And then we touch on Mindy Kalling, Linda Evangelista, Oprah, Larry Bird, and a SHITLOAD of athletes who simply cannot stop having unprotected sex with women that aren't married to.</p><p>And, even though I don't think I am particularly handsome, <strong><em>Twisted History</em></strong> is now available as a video also… I attached it above.</p><p>Take a report.</p><p>-Large</p><p></p></body></html>

<p>With Father's Day rapidly approaching, this week's Twisted History is all about bastards, and I highlight 2 celebrity bastard dads in particular.</p><p>QUICKLY- Arnold made lemonade with the child he had with his longtime housekeeper behind Maria Shriver's back... </p><div class="hq-image"><img src="https://chumley.barstoolsports.com/union/2025/07/25/Img-Not-Avail.50164f2b.png?fit=bounds&format=pjpg&auto=webp&quality=85%2C75" alt srcset="https://chumley.barstoolsports.com/union/2025/07/25/Img-Not-Avail.50164f2b.png?fit=bounds&format=pjpg&auto=webp&quality=85%2C75&width=320 320w, https://chumley.barstoolsports.com/union/2025/07/25/Img-Not-Avail.50164f2b.png?fit=bounds&format=pjpg&auto=webp&quality=85%2C75&width=480 480w, https://chumley.barstoolsports.com/union/2025/07/25/Img-Not-Avail.50164f2b.png?fit=bounds&format=pjpg&auto=webp&quality=85%2C75&width=640 640w, https://chumley.barstoolsports.com/union/2025/07/25/Img-Not-Avail.50164f2b.png?fit=bounds&format=pjpg&auto=webp&quality=85%2C75&width=750 750w, https://chumley.barstoolsports.com/union/2025/07/25/Img-Not-Avail.50164f2b.png?fit=bounds&format=pjpg&auto=webp&quality=85%2C75&width=828 828w, https://chumley.barstoolsports.com/union/2025/07/25/Img-Not-Avail.50164f2b.png?fit=bounds&format=pjpg&auto=webp&quality=85%2C75&width=1080 1080w, https://chumley.barstoolsports.com/union/2025/07/25/Img-Not-Avail.50164f2b.png?fit=bounds&format=pjpg&auto=webp&quality=85%2C75&width=1200 1200w, https://chumley.barstoolsports.com/union/2025/07/25/Img-Not-Avail.50164f2b.png?fit=bounds&format=pjpg&auto=webp&quality=85%2C75&width=1920 1920w, https://chumley.barstoolsports.com/union/2025/07/25/Img-Not-Avail.50164f2b.png?fit=bounds&format=pjpg&auto=webp&quality=85%2C75&width=2048 2048w, https://chumley.barstoolsports.com/union/2025/07/25/Img-Not-Avail.50164f2b.png?fit=bounds&format=pjpg&auto=webp&quality=85%2C75&width=3840 3840w" sizes="(max-width: 1080px) 100vw, 388px" loading="eager" style="aspect-ratio:1.7244444444444444"> <span class="image-attribution">Broadimage. Shutterstock Images.</span></div><p></p><p>… while it took the Mailman decades before he recognized the product of the statutory rape he committed when he was 20 years old.</p><div class="hq-image"><video autoplay loop muted playsinline alt><source src="https://chumley.barstoolsports.com/union/giphy/2021/06/17/8955e05c.gif?format=mp4&profile=high&level=5.0" type="video/mp4"><source src="https://chumley.barstoolsports.com/union/giphy/2021/06/17/8955e05c.gif?format=jpg" type="image/jpeg"></video><span class="image-attribution">Giphy Images.</span><div id="Article-Ad-Placeholder" data-union-ad></div></div><p style="text-align:center"><em>(Fuck you.)</em></p><p>On top of that, I touch on some of history's most famous bastards, such as Alexander Hamilton, Confucius, and William I <em>(AKA William The Bastard)</em>… And then we touch on Mindy Kalling, Linda Evangelista, Oprah, Larry Bird, and a SHITLOAD of athletes who simply cannot stop having unprotected sex with women that aren't married to.</p><p>And, even though I don't think I am particularly handsome, <strong><em>Twisted History</em></strong> is now available as a video also… I attached it above.</p><p>Take a report.</p><p>-Large</p><p></p>

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