Inspirational Quotes For Your Monday
"Everyday is special if you think so. Every moment is memorable if you feel so ..."
How exhausting would it be if you had to celebrate every moment? On the way here, I picked up a pretzel from a New York City street vendor, and I'll never think of that pretzel again. I'll never bring that up, because it wasn't that memorable. (9:56)
"Is it a special day for a guy who has an important court date? He's gonna get 1 - 3 years in prison, is that a day to celebrate?" (16:13)
"Think Positive." - Thanks.
You're commuting on your way to work and a tractor-trailer overturns on the highway, you're stuck for hours. Gasoline all over, the next exit is 6 miles up. Should I still think positive?" (17:26)
"If you dream it, you can do it." Well, let's go over the statistical probability your kid has to make it to the big leagues (21:38)
"Fuckin' Jessica Biel" (24:15)
"Those who people who tried to bury you, didn't know you were a seed." (31:10)
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DL & Listen: Awful Inspirational Quotes
Everybody is Awful (Except You)
25 videos

An Actual Adult Posted This On Facebook And It's Absolutely Stupid
2
Your 8-year-old didn't say this
3
This Deserves A Lot More Silence Than It Got
4
Be Prepared For An Avalanche of "I Got Vaccinated" Posts
5
Bubba The Bitch Roasts Red Lobster
6
Would I Go On An Adult Scavenger Hunt?
7
Watch Jim Florentine Do Stand-Up Comedy From The Comfort Of Your Own Living Room
8
The Killer Bear? It's Not The Real Story Here
9
Jim Florentine Trashes 1-star Yelp! Reviewer
10
Who Is Gonna Smile Making Seven Dollars An Hour?
11
Just Be Happy You Are Not This Person
12
Look Rick, If You Want To Do Anything ...You Have To Wear A Mask
13
Women Who Post For Their Husbands On Facebook
14
"Can You Feel It?" No, And You Have No Friends
15
Why Do Insurance Commercials Try To Be Funny?
16
Jim Florentine's Eddie Van Halen Tribute
17
The Packers TD Song Is Terrible
18
Ok, Who The Fuck Came Up With Tompa Bay?
19
I Warned You This Was Coming
20
Put Queso In My Face-O
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If You Don't Bring A Shovel To Bury Your Own Shit, It's Not Camping
22
DO NOT Let Staff Take Your Temperature
23
Nachos Don't Get Enough Attention
24
Peanut Butter Should Attract A Man
25
Your Baby Never Said Any Of This