Inspirational Quotes For Your Monday
"Everyday is special if you think so. Every moment is memorable if you feel so ..."
How exhausting would it be if you had to celebrate every moment? On the way here, I picked up a pretzel from a New York City street vendor, and I'll never think of that pretzel again. I'll never bring that up, because it wasn't that memorable. (9:56)
"Is it a special day for a guy who has an important court date? He's gonna get 1 - 3 years in prison, is that a day to celebrate?" (16:13)
"Think Positive." - Thanks.
You're commuting on your way to work and a tractor-trailer overturns on the highway, you're stuck for hours. Gasoline all over, the next exit is 6 miles up. Should I still think positive?" (17:26)
"If you dream it, you can do it." Well, let's go over the statistical probability your kid has to make it to the big leagues (21:38)
"Fuckin' Jessica Biel" (24:15)
"Those who people who tried to bury you, didn't know you were a seed." (31:10)
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DL & Listen: Awful Inspirational Quotes
Everybody is Awful (Except You)
25 videos
An Actual Adult Posted This On Facebook And It's Absolutely Stupid
2Your 8-year-old didn't say this
3This Deserves A Lot More Silence Than It Got
4Be Prepared For An Avalanche of "I Got Vaccinated" Posts
5Bubba The Bitch Roasts Red Lobster
6Would I Go On An Adult Scavenger Hunt?
7Watch Jim Florentine Do Stand-Up Comedy From The Comfort Of Your Own Living Room
8The Killer Bear? It's Not The Real Story Here
9Jim Florentine Trashes 1-star Yelp! Reviewer
10Who Is Gonna Smile Making Seven Dollars An Hour?
11Just Be Happy You Are Not This Person
12Look Rick, If You Want To Do Anything ...You Have To Wear A Mask
13Women Who Post For Their Husbands On Facebook
14"Can You Feel It?" No, And You Have No Friends
15Why Do Insurance Commercials Try To Be Funny?
16Jim Florentine's Eddie Van Halen Tribute
17The Packers TD Song Is Terrible
18Ok, Who The Fuck Came Up With Tompa Bay?
19I Warned You This Was Coming
20Put Queso In My Face-O
21If You Don't Bring A Shovel To Bury Your Own Shit, It's Not Camping
22DO NOT Let Staff Take Your Temperature
23Nachos Don't Get Enough Attention
24Peanut Butter Should Attract A Man
25Your Baby Never Said Any Of This